The realization that a woman is a man's soul mate happens after he takes time to get to know her. It is unrealistic to expect this recognition right away. It takes time for our hearts to open fully to one another. When love grows, then we just know one day if our partner is right for us. This recognition is not a mental assessment. It is a natural knowing.

 

The right person for us is recognized by our souls, not by our mind. The soul does not figure things out. It just knows" this is the person for me" if we try to figure out if a partner is right, then we will be judging her from our mind. From this perspective, she will never be enough. Our mind will always find a list of flaws. To pick a soul mate, we must choose from our soul.

 

Ideally we should use our minds to figure out how we can most effectively give and receive love and support. As we succeed in the dating process by using our minds, our hearts begin to open. With an open heart, our soul can then guide us to continue on or to break up. A soul mate is someone with whom in our heart of hearts we feel a longing to share our lives.

成熟的感情到了一个阶段的时候，就像一个刚刚出生的婴儿，谁都不知道它将来会是个什么样子，但我们都会知道精心养育这个婴儿，总有一天它会成长为一个健康活泼的人，成为社会稳定发展的一分子。 在感情发展这个过程中，伴侣双方就像婴儿身上不可分割的组成部分，每个人一个举动，一个抉择，一个想法，一次交流都对婴儿的成长有影响。婴儿很小的时候，还辨别不了自己的手脚是自己身体的一部分，有时候它很生气的用右手敲打左手因为左手碰到脑袋，感觉很疼；有时候它会生气小脚丫很可爱好玩却怎么总是离手那么远，抓不到。这就像伴侣有时埋怨对方不爱自己，对自己的需求那么不了解，有时甚至吵架拌嘴。当婴儿慢慢成长的时候，它会发现自己的手脚其实自己身体的必不可少的一部分，是自己自由支配，手脚是要相互协作的，于是手和脚各司其职，脚让身体能健步如飞，攀岩走壁，手能让其弹琴作画，耕地织布。

婴儿就像一个家庭，伴侣就像婴儿的手脚，成熟的爱情就像手脚默契的协作那样：每天默默地重复着演示那种默契，平凡但又让人感动。成熟的感情应该是：当脚觉得冰冷的时候，手会给脚穿上棉袜；当手觉得凉的时候，脚会急步走近暖炉让手取暖，不仅仅如此, 手脚还应该认识到，手脚更应该让整个人（这个家庭）健康成长，成为社会国家的栋梁。

一回国后就去复旦的枫林校区, 走在熟悉的校园的路上,仿佛回到了以前本科的时候. 但一张张陌生又年轻的面孔又提示我时光飞逝, 此时的我已经不是一个刚入校园的青春活泼的大学生了. 每一寸校园的土地凝结这我大学生活的点点回忆, 每一栋楼映射出我的欢笑悲伤. 复旦孕育我了理想, 培育了我的成长. 未来的一切离不开母校对于自己的谆谆教诲. 希望不会辜负母校对自己"希望你今后能够再接再厉, 为祖国做出更大的贡献" 的期望, 在海外学成回国,为祖国出力!

i always have the sincere desire to open my heart to the people i care about, to my parents, to my friends and to all the people surround me. I know that once the heart is opened, you will know how warm and wonderful the sincere relationships with those people are. But i also know it is difficult most of time, at least for myself. It is difficult because the heart is vulnerable to be hurt and the past painful feelings deep in our heart emerge from time to time. However till today i have known that: for those people who might unconsciously restrain you from opening your heart and sending your warm and kind message to them, or those people who might hurt your vulnerable feelings by unintended behaviors, their unfavorable reactions or behaviors really were not intended against you. Or they might care too much about you to make you happy. You can choose the forgiving attitude. Once you proactively choose that, you will see what a wonderful thing that those people have been in your life and accompanying you from day to day.

 

When i was child, i really wanted my parents' love every moment everyday. When i was on the happy mood, i wanted to study hard to please my parents and prove to be deserved to their love. Mum kissed me when i got good score in the final exam, which is my sweetest memory of my childhood time. However when i was on the bad mood, i felt that i hated study. I really wanted to open my heart to father and tell him my feelings. I failed to do that and i was not allowed to hate studying.I know that my father really care about me and he want every family member to be truely happy finally. Many examples like this make us vulnerable to feel free to express love and open our heart. Fortunately once we consciously choose to open our heart bravely, you will experience the sincere and intimate relationship with the people around you and you bring the warm heaven down to your personal world! I hope that i can open my heart later on and be a man who can strongly support the family.

The desire to share our lives with someone is the expression of our soul. It is our soul that remembers this desire. By making a commitment to fulfill this purpose, we align ourselves with the power within us to be successful not only in our marriage but in our lives as well.

 

 

All of the pieces in our lives begin to fit together when our hearts are open. By keeping our promise to love and cherish our partner above all else, we are able to open our hearts again and again. By making sure we keep our soul's promise, we are able to bring the spiritual into the material world. When we live in love, we bring the kingdom of heaven on earth!

 

The seed of greatness is our ability to know, speak, and keep our word or our truth. One power is physically to keep our word by doing what we say we will do. Another power is emotionally to support the people we care about most. Another power is to uphold and live confidently in accordance with what we believe to be right. The highest power is to act, feel, and think from an open heart. When our hearts are open, we are able to act in accordance with our highest purpose, which is love!

 

When we can do what we say we are going to do, we gradually find the power to manifest our dreams. When we can express the best of who we are, we gradually create the good fortune to attract in our lives all the opportunities we need. When we can act, feel, and think in accordance with what our soul wants to do, we can manifest greatness in our everyday lives.

 

By keeping our soul's promise, we infuse our lives with meaning, grace, and purpose. Marriage is the acknowledgment of that promise and making sure a marriage works is the fulfillment of one of our soul's highest purposes. By making this commitment, we use our inner power to keep love last in our lives!

 

Susan jeffers points it out that there are two very important purposes of a relationship: a practical purpose and a higher purpose.

" The practical purpose of a relationship is simply to have someone with whom to share our lives. It feels wonderful to have a loving partner by your side in good times and in bad. But various petty problems can make the journey together very difficult. It is for this reason that we need to have a higher purpose.

 

The higher purpose of a relationship is our commitment to learn how to become a more loving person--despite whatever problems come up. It is our using all the problems as a vehicle for seeing what we need to work on within ourselves to keep love in our heart. This higher purpose is also about learning to pay attention to all the good in our relationship."

 

Because we are all human, we won't always get it right. As situations change in our lives, we have to keep fine-tuning. But as we focus on our higher purpose, that of becoming a more loving person, we begin to understand the joy, satisfaction, peace and caring that real love can bring.

 

She remind us to know and keep in mind the main ingredients of real love. I doubt that we do not need to work on love and therefore change ourselves. Instead i think we should change our actions and reactions as we are learning to become a more loving person. I think the most important purpose of the relationship is to learn how to become a more loving person.As you become a more loving person, you become an instrument through which your partner can experience love. He or she often becomes more loving as a result. So we should focus on our own thoughts and behaviors

 

From Susan's view, the most important ingredients of real love are as follows:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Hearing others with empathy and compassion

*respecting others

respecting ourselves

forgiveness

self-forgiveness

accepting what can not be changed

offering help

asking for help

sharing our feelings appropriately

clearly articulating our thoughts, feelings and wants

patience

self-correction

delaying gratification

cooperating with others

sharing credit

sharing success with others

receiving acknowledgment and praise

giving acknowledgment and praise

taking calculated risks

conscience; recognizing what is good and bad

honesty

recognizing our worth and valuing others

creative problem-solving

thinking for ourselves and from our hearts

taking responsibility for our actions and our feelings

selfless giving and setting healthy boundaries

A soul mate is someone who has the unique ability to bring out the best in us. Soul mates are not perfect, but perfect for us! The soul is that aspect of who we are that is most lasting. When you know deep in heart that you find a soul mate, you should realize that you find a life partner.

 

If your life partner did not challenge you in some ways, the best would not be drawn from you. Soul mates are not perfect but the perfect partners to bring out the best in us, and sometimes that is done by having to work through issues. Sometimes we have to temporarily overcome all kinds of negative tendencies. A soul mate gives you the opportunity to rise above these tendencies. When your dark side surfaces, you become stronger and more loving by exercising the love you feel deep in your heart to resolve an issue. In this process your soul, like the butterfly, has a chance to fly free ^_^

 

The soul is who you are when you strip asway the body, mind, and heart. Your soul has a potential that takes an entire lifetime to be fully realized. When a couple are soul mates, when their souls recognize and love each other and they are attracted to each other physically, emotionally, and mentally, then this love not only can last but can continue to grow and become richer as the years pass.When the soul is attacted to someone and recognizes a mate, then with that person, we experience a soul attraction. Lasting physical, emotional, mental attraction must find its source in our souls.

 

 

 

 

One of the magic thing of love is that when things are going well and we are feeling loved, we may suddenly find ourselves emotionally distancing the person we loved or reacting to them in unloving ways. These sudden shifts are confusing . Yet they are common.

 

Love brings up our unresolved feelings. One day we are feeling loved, and the next day we are suddenly afraid to trust love. The painful memories of being rejected begin to surface when we are faced with trusting and accepting our partner's love.

 

Whenever we are loving ourselves more or being loved by others, repressed feelings tend to come up and temporarily overshadow our loving awareness. They come up to be healed and released. We may suddenly become irritable, upset, defensive, critical, resentful, demanding or angry.

 

Feelings that we could not express in our past suddenly flood our consciousness when we are safe to feel. Love thaws out our repressed feelings, and gradually these unresolved feelings begin to surface into our relationship. It is as though our unresolved feelings wait until you are feeling loved, and then they come up to be healed. We are all walking around with unresolved feelings, the wounds from our past, that lie dormant within us until the time comes when we feel loved. Then, when we feel safe to be ourselves, our hurt feelings come up.

 

If we can deal with those feelings with acceptance, understanding, and empathy, then we feel much better and enliven more of our creative, loving potential. However try to remember if we fall into fight or blame our lover instead of healing our past, we just get upset and suppress the feelings again!

I really appreciate the people showing the trust in me during the beginning of communication. I think this kind of people has a deep security feeling inside the heart which will not be easy to be influenced by social environment. Of course this does not mean that they are credulous but rather like "they know enduring trust is the fruit of regular actions inspired by the conscience and heart of the two people."

 

Trusting people to be an ideal partner for you does not imply an overly optimistic belief in the perfectability of human nature, it is rather a belief that the inevitable faults and sins of the human condition are fat better overcome by spouse living together in an environment of trust, love and mutual respect than by individuals living under full of judgement, control, and less communication etc environment imposed upon them.

 

The test of love is caring for a person even though we know them to be less than perfect and have experienced their daily limitations. We claim that we want to be loved for who we are. But can we really love our partners for who they are? When our hearts are open, love is automatic.

 

 

To develop strong family relationship, shared-vision between the couple is quite important because many problems faced in marriage arise out of conflicting role expectations and are exacerbated by conflicting problem-solving strategies. So making the shared vision as clear as possible beforehand is important.

 

My expectations of my partner's role is as follows (to be continued):

---i want to be accepted by my partner whoever i am. No matter how i am self-esteem, no matter how stubborn i am, no matter how clinging i am, no matter how stiff i am , no matter how introverted i am.

---i want to be considered to be a valuable man.

---i want to be agreed with my goal of the career. that is my destination.

---i want my partner agreeing with my thinking that family life is the most important part of the whole life, so everybody in the family should try to develop the strong family relationship and put family on his or her high priority.

---i think it is most of my responsibility of supporting the family financially and socially.

---i think the spouse should frequently communicate with their relatives , especially with their parents.That means that The relationship of two-generation family is also quite important.

有时候,虽然你很想克制激情,但仍然觉得克服不了诱惑,不要因此以为你无法成功,这只不过说明你这个目的的失败.好的骑手不会在第一次停不下马匹时就放下缰绳,他会一再拉紧缰绳,直到马停下来为止.所以如果你第一次无法抗拒诱惑,要继续努力,最后占上风的一定是你,而不是激情!